


A Little Bit More

by wyvern



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Destiny, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-10 00:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12899931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvern/pseuds/wyvern
Summary: Merlin’s alone this Christmas, and he just wishes he could sleep right through it all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bunnysworld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnysworld/gifts).



> Bunnysworld, you gave me great prompts - thank you! This isn’t _exactly_ what you asked for, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> A massive thank you to nomical, who as usual whipped my poor grammar and awkward sentences into shape. Any remaining errors are my own, however. 
> 
> And an equal massive thank you to the mods, who not only have been very accommodating and helpful, but also super encouraging and even kept me from dropping out of the fest when everything felt hopeless. You’re awesome.
> 
> Merlin belongs to Shine, BBC, history and whatever else. It's not me, anyway.

***  
  


It starts in early November this year, Christmas hell.

It’s the first weekend of the month and Merlin had thought it’d be safe to go out for a coffee with Gwen. It has seemed a good idea at the time, but now, as they’re squashed into a corner in the local Costa because of the amount of people to have figured out that it’s better to find the Christmas gifts early, Merlin is regretting most of his life choices.

Merlin, like any sane person, buys all his Christmas gifts online -- if there’s anyone to buy for at all.

“I know you celebrated with us last year, Merlin,” says Gwen as she wraps her fingers around her cup of hot chocolate and looks more guilty than she has any real reason to, “but Lance and I are going abroad this year.”

Merlin hopes his disappointment doesn’t show. “Understandable with this weather,” he says in a fake jolly voice and gestures towards the outside. It’s pouring down sideways due to the strong winds. “But I’ll see you at New Year’s, right?”

“We’re… um. We’re abroad over New Year’s, too. And all of January. We’re going backpacking through Asia for two whole months.”

“Oh,” Merlin says and looks down into his tea. “That sounds lovely”.

He’s not completely sure for how long he’ll be able to keep the bitterness from his voice. Looking up at Gwen, he smiles as genuinely as he can and says, “You guys deserve a break.”

Merlin’s hand has been lying on the table for lack of better things to do, but when Gwen reaches out to grasp it, he quickly moves it onto his own lap instead. Gwen slowly withdraws her own hand too.

“We don’t want to leave you alone, Merlin. We know how difficult Christmas is for you, but there wasn’t another time where we could get this much time off work, and...”

Merlin snorts. “I’m 26 years old and am fully capable to take care of myself, Gwen. And you guys have been working so hard, it’s about time you get a break. Tell me exactly where you’re going. Have you planned the entire route yet?”  
  


***

  
Waving off Gwen and Lance three weeks later doesn’t exactly improve Merlin’s mood. Heathrow Airport is a difficult place to be when you feel like you’ve been abandoned by your best friends. He knows he’s being overdramatic. It’s not nice of him to encroach on them when they have every right to want to be alone together, as a real couple, without a clingy friend to cockblock them all the time. They’re always nice about keeping him around, but it must still be annoying at times.

He watches a young twentysomething getting gentle, big hugs from a couple he assumes are her parents and an older lady who probably is her grandmother. For a second, he wants to shout at them to stop flaunting their happiness. But he bites his tongue, sticks his bare hands down his jacket pockets, and walks back to the lifts.

On the tube back home, he closes his eyes and tries to stop being so bitter. It’s fairly late; the car is almost empty and the rhythmic lulling of the tube train makes Merlin’s eyelids heavy. He wraps his jacket closer around himself despite the Underground always being a lot warmer than outside.

_His mum is there, in his small flat. It’s been lavishly decorated with ugly, home-made paper Father Christmases, tinsel, and there’s even a small plastic Christmas tree on one of the bookshelves. Hunith laughs warmly and squeezes Merlin’s hand for a short second before turning back to the Christmas dinner preparations. The touch is so familiar._

_“No, honey, you’re being silly,” she says with a smile. “You shouldn’t say that, of course you’ll meet someone some day.”_

_“But if I don’t,” Merlin pushes, “I’ll always be welcome at yours, right? Even if you find a grey-haired gentleman to spend your golden years with?”_

_Hunith turns around again, still smiling, but it has an underlying sadness to it now. She reaches out and pulls Merlin into one of her typical mum hugs._

_“My love, not even a gaggle of old, grey-haired gentlemen would be able to keep us apart -- especially not at Christmas.”_

Merlin wakes with a painful start when someone stumbles over his long legs.

“Sorry, mate,” the man says and leaves the carriage before Merlin can reply.

The door closes and the train moves again. It takes a second for Merlin to realise that he’s overslept his stop and now has to go back.

Grumbling to himself, he gets up when the train stops at the next station. He walks to the right platform and waits for the next train back. The arrival sign soon ticks down to “due”, but no train arrives. It’s cold and Merlin tries his very best to not allow his teeth to chatter of their own volition, but doesn’t fully succeed.

The platform is almost empty with only a few people on it. A young couple hop on a train in the opposite direction and an old man leaves on a Circle line train. After about 15 minutes, the loudspeakers crackle alive.

“Due to multiple signal failures, Piccadilly and District lines are currently suspended between Earl’s Court and Acton Town stations. London Underground is in the process of arranging replacement buses, but there might be a small delay due to the cold. London Underground apologises for problems caused.”

The voice is flat, almost completely devoid of emotion. Merlin’s wishes he was devoid of emotions, but he’s ridiculously close to crying even though he knows it’s silly and that it won’t help at all.

Slowly, he makes his way up the steps, goes through the gates and then stops outside the station. He’s not sure where he’s supposed to go now, but has a feeling a bus is his best option and makes his way to the nearest bus stop. There, he sits down on the bench and wraps his arms around himself in an attempt to keep warm. It takes a good five minutes for a bus to show up, and when one finally does it’s not even one that goes close to his stop.

Tears are now falling onto Merlin’s scarf, and he knows he should stop, but it’s easier said than done.

“Hello.”

Merlin looks up. There’s a blond man standing there, probably a bit older than Merlin but not creepily so. He’s actually quite good looking, unless he’s hidden something ugly behind that massive scarf. It takes a second for Merlin to realise the man’s holding two steaming cups of what Merlin assumes is hot tea. Without a word, the man reaches out for Merlin to take one of them. At first, Merlin just stares at him, then slowly takes the warm cup. It’s like being given a cup of life.

“Who…?” he says, willing his teeth not to chatter from the cold.

“Oh, right, sorry. I’m Arthur.”

“Merlin,” says Merlin slowly. “Why…?”

Arthur shrugs. “You looked like you needed some tea.”

He sits down, too. Maybe it’s a little bit too close for comfort, really, but Merlin doesn’t really mind.

They sit quietly for a long while, both drinking their tea slowly as to not burn their mouths. Finally, Merlin’s teeth stop chattering, and he manages a soft, “Thanks.”

Arthur shrugs again. “No worries,” he says and then turns his head to look at Merlin. “Will you be all right?”

Merlin looks back at him, and tries to answer honestly.

“I’ve survived so far, at least.”

That makes Arthur smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Things always get better,” he says. “And it’s not just an empty phrase, it’s actually true.”

“Mm,” Merlin nods and looks back down onto the cup. Nothing’s improved yet, four years on.

There’s another bus approaching, finally. “That’s yours, right?” Arthur says. “I still have to wait for mine.”

But he still gets up and waves down the bus before Merlin gets the chance to. It’s strange how familiar he feels, this Arthur person. Merlin sneaks a long glance at him as he fumbles after his Oyster card and waits for the bus to stop.

“Thanks again,” he says as the bus opens its doors. “For the tea and the company.”

Arthur smiles, for real this time. “My pleasure,” he says. “See you around, Merlin.”

But when the bus pulls away, Merlin watches Arthur through the window and thinks, _Not likely._

When Merlin finally gets home after three bus changes and almost two hours, he wraps himself in a warm blanket and plops himself down on his small sofa and turns on the telly. There’s nothing on except yet another rerun of Love Actually. Merlin can’t deal with that film anymore so he turns the telly back off. He thinks of his mum smiling at him and feels the tears threatening to break through again, so he gets up and decides to take a warm shower instead. In there, he can pretend he isn’t crying.  
  


***

  
The weeks leading up to Christmas aren’t easy, and waking up during this period has always felt a bit unnecessary to Merlin. If he could, he’d happily sleep right through all of it. The last few years he’s had Gwen and Lance to distract him, but this year it’s hitting him straight in the face just how lonely he is. Not really feeling up for it, he’s already opted out of the Secret Santa at work and made up an excuse to not go to the office Christmas party. Every time he gets a postcard (three so far) from Gwen and Lance, he reads it with a little more bitterness than is fair to either of them.

Waking up today, especially, is difficult.

_“Cariad, Strictly’s on!”_

_Hunith’s voice is both warm and demanding. Merlin better not disappoint her by missing Britain’s favourite show._

_“You know I don’t even recognise half of these people, right?” he says, and sits down next to her with a small bowl of crisps._

_She looks at him and grabs a few crisps for herself. “It’s not about knowing everyone, it’s about the dance! The glitter! The glory!”_

_Her voice gets more and more dramatic with every exclamation mark and Merlin really tries, he does, but he can’t help starting to laugh._

_“Oh, my god,” he says between laughing fits, “And you’re calling me silly?”_

_She smiles and swats his arm, a bit too hard for the situation. “Watch it, you menace, you should respect your old mum.”_

_“You’re not old,” Merlin says and leans over to give her a kiss on the cheek._

Merlin eventually manages to get himself out of bed, drag himself into the shower and then off to work, but he’s carrying a sense of pointlessness with him all the way through. His office mate Gwaine greets him with a slap on the butt and a big grin, and doesn’t let up until Merlin’s at least smiling a little bit. He’s annoying that way, Gwaine.

The day is dragging on for way too long, but at least it’s Friday so when the clock ticks all the way to half five, Merlin closes down his computer, bids Gwaine a nice weekend and leaves. Not that he knows where he’s going. He doesn’t want to go home since he won’t be able to stay out of his own head there. If Gwen and Lance were here, they’d probably head to the pub together to try and keep Merlin distracted with mindless chatter, greasy food and plenty of alcohol. It doesn’t feel like the right thing to do when you’re by yourself, though, it just feels pathetic.

Merlin slings his bag across his shoulder and just keeps walking. He follows the high street until he reaches Hammersmith, where there seems to be some sort of… event going on on the small square outside the Lyric theatre. There’s a large group of people assembled around a big Christmas tree, and people seems to be cheery and some even a bit raucous. Suddenly, they start singing All I Want For Christmas Is You, drawing spontaneous applause from the audience and passers-by. Merlin walks faster to get away from it all, but is struggling to get past the people in front of him who are stopping to listen. Annoyed, he tries to weave around them but instead accidentally bumps into someone who lets out a surprised “Ooop”.

“Sorry,” Merlin says without looking back, still trying to make his way through the throng of people.

“Wait… Merlin?”

The voice is familiar, but Merlin can’t place it. As he turns around, he’s greeted by the handsome guy who gave him tea at a bus stop a few weeks ago.

“Yes… Arthur, right?” he says. “Sorry for bumping into you, I was just…”

He makes a vague gesture in the general direction he was walking.

“I’ll walk with you,” Arthur immediately says and nods for Merlin to walk in front of him.

Frowning at his own compliance, Merlin turns and leads the way out of the crowd. They end up just outside the tube station entrance, and Merlin is feeling a bit silly and is just about to excuse himself when…

“As it happens, I’m actually on my way to my sister’s Christmas party. Do you want to come along? It’s just up the road at this really nice little pub.”

Arthur is waiting for an answer with a small smile on his face and Merlin can’t imagine there’s any evil, ulterior motive in the invitation. Maybe he’s just a nice guy? He doesn’t feel like a homophobe or dangerous in any other way, but they also don’t know each other at all, so it’s probably not a very good idea.

“I don’t think…” he starts.

Arthur pouts playfully. “There’s no particular dress code, you’ll be fine, if that’s what you’re worrying about.”

Merlin can’t help but smile slightly. “No,” he says, “I just don’t think I’ll be very good company. And you don’t even know me, I might be the most boring person on the planet.”

“Meh.” Arthur shrugs. “We’ve at least met before, and you seem like a good enough sort.”

He winks at Merlin, making him blush and look away.

“I…”

“Or maybe you have plans already?” Arthur asks softly, his voice more serious now.

That is Merlin’s escape route out of this situation and they both know it. But looking into Arthur’s gorgeous face keeps Merlin from lying.

“No, not really.”

The smile Arthur gives him is reward enough. “Awesome! Let’s go!”  
  


***

  
The party is in full swing when they arrive. A woman with a friendly, round face and blonde, flyaway hair greets them at the door with a small squeak before throwing herself around Arthur’s neck.

“Arthurrrr,” she says drunkenly as Arthur returns the hug.

“Hi, Elena,” Arthur says and wraps his arms around her even more tightly. It makes Merlin feel awkward, but not quite as much as when the woman lets go of Arthur, gives Merlin a huge smile and hugs him, too.

Merlin can feel himself go tense, but at least manages to pat the woman lightly at the back in an imitation of a hug.

“Oh, sorry!” she says as she lets go of him, “Are you one of those people who doesn’t like being hugged? I’m really sorry! I know I should ask beforehand but you just looked like you needed a hug so I went for it.”

“That’s…” Merlin glances at Arthur, who is smiling fondly at Elena. This must be his sister. “Th--that’s okay, I just wasn’t prepared.”

Elena watches him for a second, smiles, and says with a mock-serious voice, “Awesome.”

She then starts dragging the both of them further into the pub. The walls and tables are decorated with tinsel, baubles and multi-coloured string lights. People wave and shout out “hi’s” and “hello’s” to Arthur as they pass, and he returns the greetings but keeps moving steadily forward without stopping. Merlin’s reaches out and grabs Arthur’s hand to not lose him in the crowded space, and the warm touch calms his rapidly beating heart.

When they reach the bar at the back of the pub, they’re greeted by a woman who’s tall and thin with impeccable dark, long hair and who’s wearing a glittery, red dress. Merlin feels slightly intimidated by her even as she grins goofily when she spots Arthur and proceeds to give him a big hug.

“Baby brother,” she says teasingly and Arthur laughs.

“I’ll catch up to you eventually,” he says and lets go of her before turning to Merlin. “Play nice now, Morgana… This is Merlin. Merlin, Morgana.”

Luckily, Morgana doesn’t seem to be as keen to hug strangers as Elena is. Instead they shake hands. Merlin’s hand is sweaty and he blushes as Morgana’s hand is nothing of the sort. She seems to be a lady who’s on top of everything and that’s pretty much the opposite of how Merlin feels 100% of the time.

“Nice to meet you, Merlin,” she says and smiles. “May I ask how do you know my brother?”

Merlin quickly looks at Arthur. “Um, actually…”

“Morgana, you’re asking too much! No interrogations at this time in the evening,” Arthur laughs and manages to get the attention of the bartender. “Elena, Merlin, what’ll you have?”

 

***  
  


A couple of hours later has Arthur introduced Merlin to pretty much everyone in the pub, including two of the three bartenders. Merlin’s almost expecting the last bartender to be called over to be properly introduced, too. It’s sweet, though, how much effort Arthur is going through for someone he’s pretty much just met, to make him feel comfortable.

Now, they’re both sitting at a table in a corner of the pub, each nursing a pint. There are people dancing at a small table-free space that could _possibly_ pass as a dance floor, and Merlin watches Elena grind against a tall bloke with curly hair and laughing uproariously as she does. The guy seems more than happy and several times takes Elena’s hands to twirl her around. Morgana is dancing in a much less flagrant manner with a man with the largest biceps Merlin’s ever seen, also clearly enjoying herself. There are so many people here, and they all seem to know each other so well. It’s a foreign concept to someone barely hanging on to three friends.

It’s odd, being here with all these people he doesn’t know, but Merlin hasn’t thought of his mum for at least an hour so the distraction is working. As he takes another long drink of his beer, he glances at Arthur. It’s strange how easy he is to talk too. This whole _situation_ is strange but Merlin can’t deny that he likes being here, and likes spending time with Arthur. How long is he going to tell himself it’s only a distraction?

He puts the glass down on the table again. “Why did you really bring me along?”

Arthur looks at him and smiles. “I don’t know,” he says. “Why did you decide to come along?”

“I don’t know.”

Shrugging, Arthur looks down at the small amount of beer left in his glass and swirls it around before answering. “Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don’t.”

Then he looks up again.

“I hope this does.”

Merlin meets his eyes and blushes. “I hope so too.”  
  


***

  
Morgana gives Merlin an appraising look when Arthur takes her aside to talk to her. Merlin can’t hear what they’re saying, but sees the way Morgana nods, smiles and kisses Arthur on the cheek as a goodbye.

Arthur waves as he passes a wildly dancing Elena and then joins Merlin by the pub door.

“Ready?” he says as he pulls his jacket on.

Merlin nods. “Sorry,” he says suddenly, “I don’t want to drag you away from your friends, maybe…”

“Don’t be silly.” Arthur smiles and ushers Merlin out the door. “I can meet them again tomorrow, and I’m not that keen on parties anyway. That’s why I needed you.”

He shoves Merlin’s shoulder jokingly. Merlin doesn’t know what to say next, so he keeps quiet.

They walk in silence for a little while. “Do you mind?” Arthur says, and takes Merlin’s hand.

Merlin buries his nose in his scarf because he can feel himself blushing again.

“No,” he mumbles. “No, it’s fine.”

There’s a moment’s silence before Arthur pulls him to a stop and says, “Then… would you mind if I kiss you?”

“I…” Merlin looks at him and hesitates. _But what’s the harm?_ he thinks and leans forward to press his lips to Arthur’s. It’s very innocent until Arthur wraps his arm around his back, pulls him back in and deepens the kiss. It’s warm and gentle, but with a lovely insistence to it, too. Merlin immediately wants more of it when they break apart.

“I--I’m…” Arthur stammers and looks down, “I’m sorry if that was too forward. I didn’t mean…”

“No,” Merlin says and smiles at him. “It was nice. I liked it.”

Arthur looks back up and returns the smile, grabbing Merlin’s hand again.

“Let’s do it again later, then,” he says, and squeezes Merlin’s hand before pulling him into a slow walk.  
 

***

  
While Merlin’s still making his way out of his thick winter jacket, Arthur disappears into the small kitchen.

Arthur’s flat is about five times as big as Merlin’s, but still not very big. It has a proper bedroom though, and there’s even room for a tiny breakfast table in the small kitchen, which in London is considered quite a luxury. Merlin’s suddenly ashamed of his own wardrobe-sized flat.

“A cuppa?” Arthur asks.

Merlin hangs his jacket on the same hook as Arthur’s hung his. “Only if you want one.”

Apparently, Arthur does, because ten minutes later Merlin’s sitting in a small two-seater sofa holding a smoking hot cup of tea. Arthur’s watching him with a small smile on his face and it takes a minute for Merlin to stop fidgeting.

“Flashback to when we met the first time,” he says and smiles awkwardly.

Arthur nods and takes a careful sip of his tea. “Yeah… I was a bit creepy then, sorry about that.”

“No, no, it’s… It’s fine. It was nice of you.”

They sit in silence for a short while. Not quite able to settle, Merlin gets up and starts walking around in the small sitting room. He looks at the books, the CDs and the photos all fighting over space in the flat’s only bookcase. Suddenly, he goes completely cold despite the hot tea he’s holding and his hands start shaking. Putting the cup down on one of the shelves, he picks up a framed photograph. Its colours have started to fade and it must be quite old.

“Who… Who’s this?” he asks, and Arthur gets up from the sofa and comes up to him to see what he’s referring to.

“That’s me and my nanny,” he says, “when I was almost two years old.”

“Nanny?”

Arthur looks at Merlin, worried.

“Are you okay? You look a bit pale.”

Merlin shakes his head. “No, I’m fine. Your nanny?”

“Yes, she took care of me for the first six years of my life. She was great. Always so kind. I can’t remember a whole lot from when I was that small, but I remember I loved her. My dad fired her when she got pregnant and hired another lady to take care of me instead. This is the only photo I have of her and me, it’s one of my favourites.”

Merlin stares at it. It seems too much of a coincidence… but it must be her.

“Her… her name was Hunith, wasn’t it?” he says slowly.

Arthur watches him carefully. “Yes, her name was Hunith.”

Hunith in the picture looks so young and happy. She’s standing in a lush garden holding a fat, blond baby boy, smiling at the camera. She must have been, what, 22 years old or something like that? But it’s undoubtedly her. Even if Arthur hadn’t confirmed it, Merlin would have known it’s her.

He doesn’t notice the tears streaming down his face until Arthur wipes away one of them with his thumb.

“Come,” Arthur says softly, “let’s sit down.”

He doesn’t ask who she is to Merlin, just sits down close to him and wraps his arms around him. They sit like that for a long time until Merlin finally falls asleep with his head on Arthur’s shoulder.

_“It’s time you stop grieving me, cariad.”_

_Hunith sits at her old dinner table, holding her favourite teacup and gestures for Merlin to take one of the biscuits on the plate in the middle of the table. She smiles mischievously at him._

_“And I told you that you would meet someone,” she says._

_“But…” Merlin begins, “But mum, wait...!”_

He wakes up with a start, making Arthur grumble in his sleep. One of his arms is still resting around Merlin’s shoulders and it feels… comfortable. At home, almost. He looks at his mum in the photo again. She wears the same smile she’s worn around Merlin thousands of times, and that’s a comfort, too.

He looks at Arthur, whose head is resting in what looks like a fairly uncomfortable position on the back of the sofa. Chuckling quietly to himself, throat still scratchy from crying a few hours earlier, he takes Arthur’s hand and holds it gently in his own.

“Thanks, Mum,” he whispers.  
 

***

  
“Merlin! We’ll be late for the Christmas panto unless you get your pretty arse out here right now!”

Scrabbling to get into his best black skinny jeans, Merlin’s muttering annoyed curses under his breath before making his way out to where Arthur’s waiting in the hallway.

Arthur’s holding his jacket for Merlin to just slip into and waits patiently for Merlin to tie his shoes.

“Hey there, gorgeous,” he says and pulls Merlin into a kiss.

“I thought we were in a hurry?” mutters Merlin and tries to maneuver a small pebble in his shoe into the arch of his foot so he won’t step on it later.

Arthur just hums and presses another, softer kiss to Merlin’s lips before opening the flat door.

“Let’s go, then.”

“Wait,” Merlin says, “Okay, just one more.”

He kisses Arthur again. Then he takes his hand before they together step onto the Christmas-decorated, rainy street outside.

  

***  
THE END  
***


	2. Art for A Little Bit More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My initial idea was to post small chapter breaks, but then I got way into it so I ended up with these three drawings (which are the ones I'm most happy with). It's just for fun, I don't usually draw a lot.

***

[ ](https://imgur.com/lCqaxUL)

“I know you celebrated with us last year, Merlin,” says Gwen as she wraps her fingers around her cup of hot chocolate  
and looks more guilty than she has any real reason to, “but Lance and I are going abroad this year.”

 

***

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/Fkivimu)

 

He’s not sure where he’s supposed to go now, but has a feeling a bus is his best option and makes his way to the nearest bus stop.  
There, he sits down on the bench and wraps his arms around himself in an attempt to keep warm. It takes a good five minutes  
for a bus to show up, and when one finally does it’s not even one that goes close to his stop.

 

***

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/sX44vsp)

 

There’s a large group of people assembled around a big Christmas tree, and people seems to be cheery and some even a bit raucous.  
Suddenly, they start singing All I Want For Christmas Is You, drawing spontaneous applause from the audience and passers-by.

 

***

 


End file.
